KENYANS WEEKLY

Friday, September 9, 2016

Why Kamba Women Are The Best In Bed

I am inherently intrigued by various cultures, most notably, the Kamba culture. A day doesn’t go by where i don’t stumble upon guys talking about Kamba women and their bedroom dominance. .Apparently when it comes to quality and performance, their biological engines have more horsepower than a Lamborghini Aventador. For that reason, i have decided to revisit the Kamba issue.

I strongly believe that every Kenyan guy should experience, at least once in his life the joy of sleeping with a Kamba woman. Their exuberant lovemaking will spoil you and raise the standards for every other woman you will encounter after that. Their marvellous romantic gestures and facial expressions in bed will capture your heart and cage it. Sleeping with a woman from a different ethnicity after having sex with a Kamba woman is like eating madondo after eating marinated chicken at Serena Hotel.
But why exactly are Kamba chics so excellent between the sheets? 

FIND OUT BELOW & keep reading

 

 It’s a talent 

 In the words of a layman, Kamba women make love ‘nikama wametumwa’. They do it with so much passion coated with aggression that you begin fearing your ‘D’ might get broken. Well, every tribe is talented in something. Kalenjins are talented in athletics, Luhyas are talented in eating and shagging and Luos Like me Felix are talented in flossing and being romantic. So bedroom athletics is the area of specialization for Kamba women. Who are we to judge? Who are we?
The Kamba chic’s natural creativity and systematizing impulse expresses itself with magnificent attention to detail when naked.  I can tell you for ‘free’ that you will never get a better… or more meticulous sexpereience than the one you get from a Mumbua or Mwende.

The are biologically wired to get hornier than other women
  There’s the urban legend myth that Kamba women are majimaji. This means they get wet in more cubic litres than normal women. It’s in their DNA. Blame it on their ancestors. Outside of coastal women, you will not meet more slippery and cock-conscious chicks than Kamba woman. The heavens refused to bless Kambaland with water and blessed women with water instead. As a result of their heavy appetite for the ‘D’, Kamba women make lungula all too awesome. Just make sure you have the strength to last

 
They love their bodies with their adorable flaws.
Not all Kamba women are hot but In comparison to women from other tribes, Kamba women are more in harmony with their bodies. They live in a society that isn’t obsessed with being slim and having fat bʊtts. While some women from other tribes are constantly worried how they look in the wrong lighting, and how the ambiance has to be just right for them to feel comfortable getting naked, a Kamba woman doesn’t worry so much about appearances in relation to sex. So long as her ‘P’ is functioning, she will get naked and do it. You’ll never see her getting insecure about their stretch marks and fat. No matter how tiny her bobbies are, she’ll still flaunt them all over your face and order you to suck them. No matter how tiny her a$$ is, she will still ask you to spank her.

 They are addicted to sex
 Back to the point – ‘Kamba women are addicted to sex.’ Of course any Kamba woman will be quick to dispel the notion that has dogged the Eastern tribe for years , but statistics and personal experiences have proven this notion to be factual and not just disinformation.
Some say it’s because their fellow Kamba men don’t hit it right.. You see, when a woman isn’t getting enough of something, she’ll keep wanting more of it. Another option will be for her to look for it elsewhere. So maybe Kamba men just aren’t providing enough lungula to their women. In the words of Lil Wayne, ‘Whoever is hitting it ain’t hitting it right, coz she looks like she needs ‘D’ in her life.’. Have you ever heard Luhya women complain?

 They are confident in their techniques

Kamba women know how to take the initiative.Most importantly, they live in the moment. They don’t start sucking the ‘D’ with the fear of, “OMG, am I doing it right?” Instead, they give it their all and think, “He’s going to beg me to never stop, because I’m so good at it.” They don’t second guess themselves, but relish in the power that comes with confidence.
While shagging them, they meet your thrusts with equal fervor, like colliding asteroids of flesh.When a Kamba woman is giving it to you, then you can sure that her mind is clear and she is giving herself over to the pleasure unlike some other women who keep worrying about salon and school fees instead of enjoying the act.
Kamba women have also mastered all the positions and invented new ones as well. I heard that those that live in bed sitters have invented the ‘touch the gas cylinder’ position. I’ll have to confirm.

 They learn to keep feelings out of it
 If you are an emotional guy, this is bad news for you. Kamba women know how to erect a fence between séx and emotions. A Kamba girl can break up with you in the morning and by evening she’ll be getting devoured by another man. Kamba women are basically the queens of moving on. It’s like they feel men are a$$holes and the only good thing they can offer is the ‘D’. Enjoy a Kamba women but never make the mistake of developing feelings for her after a one night stand. You will be surprised at how quickly she will forget about you.
Her craving for intimacy and her wellspring of empathy might draw you in.  And then right at the moment you fall deepest for her you will see another man’s arm around her waist. The best thing to do is to let her be the one to fall for you. Not the other way round.
 
They aren’t ashamed of sex matters
Through random and quick sampling, Kamba chics have learned what works and what doesn’t. Such knowledge is then passed to future generations.They are less neurotic and don’t sweat the small stuff. Let’s just say that Kamba women realized a long time ago that séx is just an essential part of being human . They don’t steer away from their séxual cravings. Because human sexuality isn’t something that’s hidden in the shadows, Kamba women are brought up understanding that sexual urges and desires, no matter how kinky or off the map they may be, are not just healthy, but part of being alive.
Oh hail Kamba women



AND NOW FINALLY THE FEMALE LIST OF SHAME! HERE ARE THE TOP TEN KENYAN FEMALE CELEBS WHO ARE POOR IN BED ACCORDING TO THE BUNCH OF MEN THEY’VE DATED! NUMBER 7 NI MALENGE KABISA! JUST SEE (PHOTOS)

And so, without further ado, here are  the celebrity girls that were voted overwhelmingly as being POOR in bed. And yes, we did our survey and it’s incredibly true.

 1. Amani
 She had to top the list. First and foremost, no one even remembers her anymore. Ok, very few people do. Amani has been around for a solid 10+ years. Singing about the same thing. In the same way. No one knows who Amani dates or has ever dated. No one even seems to want her…. Despite the fact that she’s gorgeously made. Amani polled poorly when it came to bedroom prowess. Her overall image and bland nature must have contributed to her weak between the sheets game. She even seems asexual to many. And has not once been linked to any man without contradiction. For all we know, this Ogopa Deejays Queen could be a virgin. Despite all of her 30+ years. Imagine Amani’s music. And how often she releases it. And then imagine that sort of dead energy in bed. Nothing to look forward to. Absolutely.

 2. Lady Bee
 This is the secular-turned-gospel artist who spent half her life singing backup in downtown nightclubs in Dubai. And then she came back to her motherland to try and be what she couldn’t be in Dubai. And years down the line,it’s yet to work out. Lady B is another one of these girls. She’s Kamba, I hear,but one of the few Wakamba solidly putting the tribe to shame as far as mchezo wa kitanda is concerned. Kambas are famously good in bed. But you cannot say that about this mama who releases one single per six years. She always looks bored. And that’s probably the same attitude she brings kwa kitanda. Plus years in Dubai can make you really numb to any form of excitement. Especially sex. It’s not just us speaking. Some guy who knows his way around this industry made it clear to us too ; there’s very little to expect from this mama. She should just sing. And stay bored. Never has one woman failed to live to the expectations of a tribe. As this one.
 3. Habida
Don’t be fooled by that wholesome beauty. And sultry voice. Or even that hair. There isn’t much to look forward to here. Forget the little Roysambu Scandal that you all read about. Don’t let that fool ya. The Princess still has a long way to go… Before she can do splits in bed, give it to you just like you like it and leave you panting. Great body alright… But not so great an implementation of it.


4. Judy Anyango
 For the record, this mama here is NOT a Celebrity. She’s only here because she has, for years now, really struggled to be regarded as one. And well, because we are nice people, who love people, we’ll pretend she even fits the bill. Away from that, huyu mmama hawezi kazi. Simple and clear. Not with all that fat and clumsiness. She cannot even pull off a sexy photo shoot. In all of her photos, most of which were taken by a backstreet amateurish photographer, she poses like she’s struggling with a fart. That’s probably how she looks in bed too. No wonder her ‘Socialite’ career failed to take off. You cannot pocket so much dollars from a Dubai sponsor and be so unbelievably poor in bed. Judy has alot of learning to do. And it’ll be long before she can blaze up the bedroom. Don’t be fooled by that clumsy ass. She doesn’t know how to work it. End of story.

 5. Kingwa Kamenchu
S he may talk about sex all day in her daily Facebook ramblings. She may be fixated on masturbation and may even have posed totally nude straddling a Maasai shuka. None of all that should fool you into thinking that this former Presidential Candidate and certified lunatic,is good in bed. Because she ain’t. And we know it. She’s Meru to start with. And the good AmerUcan people aren’t exactly famed for bedroom sports. Kingwa is all talk. But little show. And with a mind like hers, so clogged with so many shitty ideas, you wouldn’t expect fireworks in bed. Sex is all in the brain. And hers is currently dysfunctional. Nothing to see here. Madame Praaasssidente.

 6. Marya
 Another Ogopa Deejays Missus. Who is no longer a singer. This one dated that other jerk Colonel Mustafa for like a gazillion years. And then we don’t remember who dumped who. Before she was said to have moved into some old jamaa’s house to nurse her post-Mustafa blues. Too bad. She didn’t even nurse them enough. Because she went on an eating spree that made her balloon to the size of six Mustaphas. The point here is; just like her music career, sweetheart’s game ain’t shit. You can tell it by the way she moves. And by who she even is. Our correspondents agreed unanimously, girl can’t hack it. She’s usually too caught up thinking of too many useless things, among them why her music career is going nowhere, why she ever even dated Mustapha and what she’s gonna eat next to give you a good bedroom service. Her weight doesn’t help matters. She’s a gone case. Gone gone gone.

7. Njoki Chege
 She’s the Mistress of Meaness. Always telling women what’s wrong with them and their lives and their husbands and their bodies. And always telling men what’s wrong with them and their bodies and their cars and their neighborhoods. No one tells her what is wrong with her. And unluckily for her, the results are in. And she ain’t no goddam shit in bed. She never was and probably never will be. Studies have actually shown that the bitchiest women are the worst in bed. They are know-it-alls and it’s either their way or the highway. They won’t suck d*ck and aren’t open to experimental bedroom techniques. Njoki won’t be going down on you boy. And no, she’s not very conversant with position 69. We talked to a former boyfriend who confirmed to us, ‘Girl is all talk and little action…’ and my brother, who are we to dispute that? Isn’t it almost evident? Now if I can go off and dust my Subaru.

 8. Risper Faith

 This is the ex-socialite who appeared in that risqué Blaqy video ‘Shake Your Money Maker’. And we all saw her… In all of her glory, cellulite and all, bulging tummy and all. The video was universally panned by people who hadn’t even watched it. Part of the reason was the plain fact that Bwana Blaqy couldn’t sing to save his life. Other reason, which was the major one actually, was the fact that little Miss Risper was a complete eyesore. Girl couldn’t even shake her goddam money maker. And when she did, it was a pure mess. That body should never be next to you in bed. I’ve never seen someone so clueless on how to be sexy. If you could fumble up so terribly in a song, I hate to imagine how pathetic you can further be when the cameras are not on. No. I don’t want to bang this one. It a NO for me. Thank you

 9. Joy Doreen Bira
 Bro, let’s just be honest. Let’s just be real. End of story.

 10. Angeline Wanjeri

 Yes, I’m sure you all forgot she existed. Just like I did. Surprise!! She’s still very much around. And that annoying laughter too. With a mouth like that, a dress code that messed up and a character that hyped, things can only be a mess in them sheets. Sex takes skill. And absolute expertise. Not the kind of shabbiness that this Angeline girl approaches life with. She’s all cluttered and loud and jumpy and unhinged. No control, no rhythm, no plan. That’s exactly how clumsy this Mama is in bed too. And a couple people revealed to us, just like her TV hosting skills,Her game needs a lot of upgrading. If only she could calm down. For a minute or two. And let the fireworks blaze up. Too bad. It’s all a mess. Is she still on Kiss TV by the way? Who am I asking? Does anyone even watch Kiss TV anymore?

SPONSOR THINGS: HERE is what to do after you hit 40 years and NO SPONSOR WANTS YOU!

When you’re still young, beautiful and energetic, you shun young men as you go for sponsors from whom you get money to buy Brazilian hair, chemicals to bleach your skin and makeup to make you look like Angelina Jolie yet you look like Kibaki.
You hit 30, the sponsors start running away from you to hunt for younger ladies for you’ve hit your expiry date in the shelf of sponsorship.
The number of abortions you’ve carried out outnumber the number of times you’ve had sex and your breasts look like you’ve breastfed eleven kids


You’re also facing financial crunch as there are no more sponsors in the market to milk. Uko down financially. All your undies don’t fit for the fake booty maintained by sponsor’s cash has shrunk.
Too bad you never used money from them to start a business of your own or advance your career.
All you were doing is shop for expensive dresses and expensive alcohol to show the world that you’re on top game. You even thought ladies sweating their ass off to feed their families are fools.


The reality starts dawning on you that you wasted away in leisure. Neither the sponsors want you because you’re a spent cartridge nor the young men for you look like the devil out of the woods.
Of course you’ve no friends because you were rolling big and you saw no need of being in the company of foolish poor people. So, your only option is to get comfort in marriage.

You can’t ask for it on social media because we know you and how you were showing us photos of your buttocks after enjoying sex with octogenarian sponsors.
So you erect billboards on the streets with the hope that you’ll land a man who doesn’t know you.
You’re also very clever. You don’t include your tattered image. All you need is a man. You don’t care whether he pulls a cart or hustles in industrial area.
When you fail to get one, you start calling men Dogs. Idiot.

MOTO KAMA PASI!!! Mama Baha Of Machachari’s Have Pounds Upon Pounds Of Flesh In Bed With Citizen TV Anchor( Exclusive Leaked Photos):..EISH!!

It was for a reason why the English man said “work without play makes jack a dull boy”
 Well Citizen TV actress Wanjiku Mburu AKA Mama Baha decided to obey the saying and spared some of her earnings for a time out in the coastal region but without contreovercies and shame. The well endowed actress visited Malindi and decided to tease the ‘team mafisi’ members as she flaunted her fine toned body as she sun basked on the sandy beach. She was however caught in  shameful position as someoe took photos of her i bed with a popular male tv anchor

 See hot photos





This Nakuru lady is giving men sleepless nights with her humongous derriere

Social Media has helped many people especially our ladies to who are aspiring to become models or socialites.
Vera Sidika prides herself as the most successful socialite in Kenya closely followed by Huddah Monroe who recently landed 2 lucrative deals. Huawei and a cosmetology companies came through and Huddah is now smiling all the way to the banks.
Thereafter, many ladies are showing what they can offer to men and trying hard to become famous. This lady showed men that she can give Vera Sidika a run for her money.
Take a look





Big People Only Please!: Here Are The Four Types Of Girls That 0pen Their Legs For Anyone. MUST READ

There are lots of l00se girls running around Nairobi like kids in a playground. Girls who spread their le’gs for just about for any man whose manh00d is functioning. In a way they all tend to think that us men are too blinded by lu’st and thickheaded to figure out which of them are c0ck-g0bbling c’u’m guzzling wh*0res. In urban slang, such girls are referred to as ‘th0ts’. The word ‘TH0T’ stands for ‘That Ho Out there’. There’s no denying the fact that female infidelity is catching up with male infidelity
There are different types of th0ts in Nairobi, all with varying degrees of sIuttiness. Here are the four most common ones.

1.The unrepentant ‘th0t’

 
She will sle’ep with you so long as she feels you are a cool guy. If you date her, she will leave you the moment you start complaining. Despite her crooked ways, she doesn’t believe she is doing anything wrong. Photos of her in compromising positions are plastered all over her mates’ phone galleries. She parties and does drugs without slowing down. She isn’t afraid of STDs and pregnancies. She also knows all abortion clinics and she’s the one who refers her paged friends.

2. The ‘kiatu’ thot
Men rarely approach her because she ain’t that hot but since she’s human and has feelings too, she makes up for this by offering herself up to me n instead. She drinks a lot and gets chips fungwad every time she goes out. She is also great in b e d because that’s another way to make up for her lack of looks, She is deeply insecure and gets jealous when guys hit on her hotter friends. Sometimes she even tries to ruin their relationships If you date her, you will have fights every day.

3. The ‘average’ thot
 Her looks are average but she carries herself around as if she was just named by ‘The People magazine’ as the most beautiful woman on earth. She has standards and thinks men should chase her and neg her despite the fact that she has nothing to offer. She has been ’pu m ped and dumped’ more times than she can remember. No man stays with her for long. The best way to win her over is to pretend you don’t want her. She’ll do everything to show you that she’s hot.

4.The extremely hot thot
She has the looks but she comes with a bag of problems. She doesn’t eat enough so as to maintain her weight. So sometimes she looks malnourished and can even collapse while giving a B.J. She always looks in the mirror and sees flaws where there is none. She is also dumb and gets misled by men as well as her close friends.